Return to Production – The Hunt Begins

With the installation of our new equipment now complete, we’re back in business.

But just because we’re back to brewing doesn’t mean we’ve abandoned our rat hunt.

As soon as the machines were switched back on, the employees returned to work and our Grand Inquisitor could begin his company-wide investigation.

Due to the rigorous nature of his Excellence’s methods, we thought it would be a good idea to introduce him here on our blog, so that our investors, board members and employees could get an idea of the man behind the job. 

Who is the Grand Inquisitor?

David Shemmington has been a Corporate Lawyer & Investigative Enforcer for the best part of two decades.

david shemmington

His kind smile and genial nature often leads others into assuming that he is somehow weak or naive – they could not be more wrong. Having overseen a whole host of aggressive takeovers, as well as successfully cleansing several unnameable multi-nationals, David is renowned for his utter ruthlessness and intellectual guile.

What kind of questions will he ask me?

That, we’re afraid, is for the Grand Inquisitor to know and for you to find out.

interrogation

Understandably, it would be redundant for us to tell our employees and board members what his Excellency will be asking in advance. Rest assured, the Grand Inquisitor has a reputation for asking seemingly unrelated questions, in a manner of nonchalance, that will lead you in to a false sense of security.

Is questioning/interrogation mandatory for all employees?

There should be no reason for all our employees to be interrogated.

torture chair

However, should you be approached by the Grand Inquisitor and selected for testing – then you will be required either to consent or to hand in your resignation. At Mayflower Brewery we prize employee loyalty above all else, we expect each and every one of our employees to be able to tell us anything and everything.

How long will it take me to recover from a meeting with his Excellence?

Pain-Bent-Over-Back-Pain

Any employee summoned for testing and judgement will be granted a whole half-day of unpaid leave to recover from the ordeal.

Although the Staff Physiotherapist is currently fully booked, due to the collateral damage left in the wake of last year’s espionage crisis, it’s important to remember that those employees are unlikely to survive another round of interrogation, so there should be plenty of new spaces opening up soon

Although we understand that the Grand Inquisitor’s coming has been much feared for the last few weeks – we’d like to take this time to remind you that there is no need to be afraid, unless you have something to hide. 

 MAYFLOWER IS WATCHING.

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